I mark my earliest memory as the beginning of my spiritual journey. I was only a few days old, but I remember my mother's joyful smile as she came in the room carrying my very first toy — a predominately yellow plastic toy panel with a mirror, rotary telephone dial, and spinning knob attached to a bell, which she hung above me as I lay in my crib. Rather than excitement, my first impression was that of being insulted. I couldn't believe she was bringing this childish toy to me, and I was expected to play with it!
However, a short while later I recall being somewhat surprised that I actually was enjoying it! Even to this day, I often remind myself of this "surprise" — my experience of reality, it seems, may differ from my initial perception. This is an important lesson to learn, and it would seem to be one difficult to retain in the foremost of our mind.
But the reason I associate this memory with the beginning of my spiritual journey is the strong impression I had of myself in my mind's eye....
Somehow I was a balding "old man" (for some reason 56-years sticks in my mind) wearing black horn-rimmed glasses. I felt quite certain that was me, every bit as much as "I" was me laying in that crib. But I could only grasp a vague feeling associated with that life, and couldn't remember any other specific details, only shades of persons I once knew passing from my memory. I do clearly recall the sense of those memories and life becoming increasingly... dissipated... as if my memory was evaporating.
I have always felt this was a memory of my previous life. Of this I am certain (it is an experience of Gnosis). Therefore, while I have no idea why, I have always felt reincarnation must be part of our spiritual journey. As I have encountered various religions, their views of reincarnation has been one of my guideposts in evaluating them.
As many readers will know, a number of Eastern religions accept the premise of reincarnation, but almost without exception Western religions no longer support this idea. However, it is interesting to observe that some early Christians did hold this belief. Some of the writings of Origen (circa 185-254) are especially tantalizing, on many levels. So I remain hopeful I may discover an earlier version of the Christian Church — an earlier incarnation, if you will — which speaks to my heart and affirms what little I know to be true for me. (I do not take the additional step of saying this therefore must represent another person's Truth. I am not that vain. Further, that path ultimately leads only to violence.)
This leaves me wrestling with the question of why the Christian church leadership withdrew support of reincarnation?
Personally I think this change has much more to do with the World of Man than the Spiritual World. For much the same reason, the Orthodox Church has shut away, or lost, esoteric teachings in favor of providing only exoteric teachings. And along the way the Christian Mystic has been largely lost. By chance or design, this strips the basic spiritual teachings of their deeper meaning, inhibits personal apprehension — which is our only way to personally know our Creator — and perhaps most importantly, consigns God to Death, limited to the Past.
Fortunately, not all churches are so limited in their search for the Divine, and Its influence in our daily lives! Our Source and Creator must be in the Present, and we must remain open to Inspiration, and to seeking something more profound than we see in our daily life.
Memory of my reincarnation — as limited as it is — has turned my religious search inward for meaning. I neither need nor desire a third party to sanctify my experience. I have my Gnosis of this event, which stands on its own. Apprehension of the Spiritual World only comes from within our heart. The exoteric, outer layer of spiritual teaching is important, but it must lead us farther. Spiritual teachings must ultimately bring us closer to our Creator. For me, this path is found inside myself, where I strive to develop a personal relationship with the Divine.
These are some of the reasons the introspective aspects of Esoteric and Gnostic approaches to understanding our place in the Universe, and our relationship with our Creator strike a chord with me. I do believe we each carry a spark of the Divine inside us. I think this Divine Spark is the essence of what many call our Soul or our Spirit. I feel certain that part of us is eternal. I hope that something of our Ego/Personality also survives our physical death, but I am not personally certain this is true. Of this I have yet to be granted apprehension or Gnosis. (This is one of many points upon which, for the time being at least, I must remain a-gnostic — lacking Gnosis.)
But I did not learn about Esoteric or Gnostic beliefs as a child. I have come to these teachings while in my 40s. My mother raised me in a number of Christian-based faiths, ranging from First Brothern, to Baptist, to Methodist. Sometime prior to third grade I accepted Christ as my Personal Savior. The personal connection to Jesus was very appealing to me. I still feel this to be true. Yet I do not believe this is the only path back to our Creator. I believe our Creator is far more loving and generous than we often perceive.
One reason for my multiple-paths-to-Creator belief is my brother died at a very young age. He had not yet been "properly" baptized in the view of the church we were then attending. My mother was unable to accept that God would damn an innocent child to hell just because they had never been "properly" baptized — an opinion I share — so we changed churches. That experience taught me while we are predisposed to assume the faith of our parents, we each make the final choice in this matter, and it is a choice we may modify over time as we mature in our understanding.
Over time I have come to think of "religion" as a man-made, organized approach to "spirituality." However, spiritually is not the same thing as religion. I view spirituality as our personal quest for a personal connection with the Divine. I have always felt the "religious experience" — which I now more properly define as a "spiritual" experience — ought be a very personal one. Of course, I only believe this due to my personal experience. Others may have a different experience, leading them to a different set of beliefs. Religion I see as a man-made structure, which may or may not have anything to do with seeking the Divine (examples of both extremes may be cited). As a child, and to this day, I find the authority presumed by most organized religious institutions to be questionable. I had my personal experience --an epiphany, if you will-- yet this wasn't addressed in any of the churches I attended in my youth.
As I grew older I discovered other reasons to believe no single church granted access to "The One And Only Path To God."
For example, I have heard some Baptist preachers say other Christians who failed to believe and worship "properly" were damned to hell. One church taught if I went into a movie theater Jesus would not be with me inside. He would rejoin me only after I left the theater -- and I dare not die while in the theater, as Hell eagerly awaits! Similar sins in their eyes were listening to rock'n'roll music, or dancing. I was to be damned the same as any murdering heathen after engaging in such activities, and unable to be saved until I "properly" repented. ("Properly" naturally meant as defined by them.) I find this to be a very human-centric point of view, largely constructed for the benefit of the men leading that church.
(Women held no positions of authority in that church, and were permitted to wear only very plain clothing, while men were permitted -- comparatively -- much more latitude in their choice of clothing, symbolic of their Higher Position in the eye's of God. I have always understood how some men may form such a self-serving opinion, but it is much more difficult to understand why the women remain in such churches. I assume it to be akin to so-called "brain washing" techniques, rather than some wide-spread psychological problem. "Cults" are formed under the guise of many different religions!)
In essence, they were telling me my entire family was damned! I knew this extremely severe belief was wrong -- perhaps even immoral -- for unlike most people attending that church, on my father's side of my family nearly all the adult men were Methodist Ministers! But their extreme belief was also quite interesting. Even within the Christian religion some Christians deemed other Christians were damned to hell! ("Judged" really, despite judging others was said to be a sin.)
Which brings me to the murdering of unbelievers.
Organized religion has a well-established history of murdering vast numbers of people who had the unfortunate desire to worship the "wrong god." And many religions have sanctioned such murder throughout our written history. This has never struck me as God-like behavior. I also discovered one could buy "sin credits" under certain circumstances. And Catholics taught the Pope was able to declare he was about to speak the very Word of God -- which seems highly unlikely to me. (A concept which I had heard ridiculed when Egyptian Pharaohs were said to have made a similar claim.) Nor have I ever understood how worshiping/praying to Saints and their statues is deemed not to be worshiping false idols. Shouldn't I just pray directly to God or His Son? Why would I want to pray to a dead human? It isn't that I didn't believe in life after death -- I do. But as I once heard said: "dead, don't make you smart."
Nor do I believe the Holy Bible is the literal Word of God. (And which specific translation would that be?) Men have gotten in the way yet again. I cannot believe those individuals who gathered together to decide which writings "belonged" in the Bible and which were to be cast away, were acting under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. I fully expect it was a political decision made to satisfy some human desire. Exactly as it would be were that decision to be made today. The nature of man simply doesn't change that much over time. Furthermore, few of the people I have heard preach that the Bible is literally the Word of God read the Bible in its original languages. This means they are relying upon the interpretation of yet another fallible human to properly convey the meaning of these ancient texts. And as many people know, there is a lot dispute in properly translating some of these languages. So how can the Bible be a literal translation of the Word of God when the proper translations are in dispute?
So much of this seems illogical and contrived. How could such thoughts be coming from God?
I easily came to the conclusion that none of these organized religions really had God's Answer. So far as I have been able to determine mankind has fouled our ability to commune with God at every turn. Sometimes in a deliberate attempt to establish control over whom is granted access to God and Heaven: "None shall enter Heaven, but by our leave, we who speak for God." This I will not accept.
I find these beliefs far too convoluted to represent God. So how could they lead me to God? What options did I have other than following some version of the faith I was brought up to believe? I didn't have an answer to that, and I still don't with perfect certainty. (I suspect it may even be the wrong question.) All I have to work with is that which I feel to be true. I must trust in what God reveals to my heart.
Which brings me to my beliefs.
I believe in a personal God. One to Whom I may speak directly. None need intercede for me. None should presume to stand between me and my God.
At the same time I feel the Mind of God is unknowable. To claim otherwise is falling victim to a mal-placed sense of grandiosity. We are far too limited in our thinking to understand the Mind of God. We are unable to truly grasp the meaning of infinity, let alone to live in peace and harmony with one another. How can we ever hope to understand God?
This means I have to accept my faith is likely to be mistaken because I feel all faiths are imperfect and incomplete. In fact, given the limitation of our comprehension, I think we will always fall short in our understanding of the Creator of the Living Universe. I am no different. God is unknowable to me with any certainty.
Yet I do believe in a Creator of the Universe. A Creator Who is Good and Just. One Who wishes the best for all Their creations. God loves us despite our multitude of failings and limitations. And I believe it is God's hope and wish for us, that we too love one another. Despite our fragilities. Despite repeatedly failing to live up to God's highest standards and aspirations for us.
I take Love for Others as the Highest Principal to which we may aspire, because I believe this is the same grace God shows us.
We may not be able to understand the mind of God, but I like to think we may at the least be able to modify our behavior and accept one another as equals in God's eyes. And since I cannot know the Mind of God, and I cannot know if there is only a single path to God, then I should be respectful of all who are peaceably trying to find God in their own way.
It is somewhat trite, but I really do think it provides a lot of insight as to the nature of man, and the nature of God by comparing two versions of the Golden Rule:
God's Golden Rule — Love others, as you would have them love you.
Man's Golden Rule — He with the gold, makes the rules.
I believe we all carry the Spark of God within us. I suspect this is what drives us to create art and to constantly push the frontiers of our knowledge. I believe this connection to the Spirit of God is sometimes seen when we provide Directed Intention toward a specific outcome. I sense this is somehow related to the bizarre nature of the quantum world, and I feel descriptions of the universe as given in books such as "The Field" by Lynne McTaggart and "The Holographic Universe" by Michael Talbot provide us the slightest glimpse of God's Mind.
I can only hope for the smallest fraction of understanding of God the Creator. And even that is distorted. Given our human history, I do not think it is certain mankind will ever learn to live in peace and harmony with one another. But I choose to believe seeking this path may be seen by God as a positive effort on our part. I also choose to believe it may be the Journey upon which God has set us which is the goal, not the destination itself. For much as we find Home is wherever we carry our Loving Heart, we may find God is with us upon each step of our Journey. God is not to be found "out there" -- God is already within our heart. And as we increase Love, we serve God. As we decrease Love, we dishonor God's gift of Life.
I have no small measure of karma to work off! My hope is to find a path providing a positive and meaningful service to others. To be able to leave the world in some way better than as I found it. I hope that more often than I fail and fall, I return to a loving respect for others, and in so doing, I hope to better myself, and to synchronically serve God's Unknowable Plan.
Spiritual Bio of Erik E Weaver